attack of the Blog

2003-04-28T07:24:00.000-07:00

Sunday, April 27, 2003, 6:00pm, EST- Mike Turrigiano sighted! It has been reported that Mike was seen addressing a small crowd of young people in an office building in Midtown Manhattan last night. This gathering called, "Submerge" was called together as a new church plant targeting the young, unchurched, secular majority that populate Manhattan and the surrounding boroughs.

There have been many Mike sightings reported over the past weeks that have turned out to be bogus, but this one has experts buzzing because people who know the "real Mike" say this sighting hs the ring of legitimacy to it becaus they say, his "obssession with reaching the next generation and seeing young leaders plant new churches in New York City", is famous. This blog will keep a close eye on any further developments of this information.

2003-04-25T06:04:00.000-07:00

French's Mustard needs our help. Apparently their sales are suffering big time as a result of all the French backlash that's been going on in our country lately. Good old French's Mustard, the yellow stuff on hot dogs, wants us to know they're not French and have nothing to do with France. Founded by R.T. French, a good Ol' American, "there are not many more American brands than French's... it is an American icon and the only confusion in consumers' minds is about the brand name and not the brand heritage." A company spokesman commented, "Just because French's is yellow doesn't mean it's French." (National Review) Now, got that straight?!

To all our ministry friends out there- This coming Sunday night the NYC Vineyard is launching a second Manhattan congregation which will meet Sunday evenings in Midtown. It's being called "Submerge". I am leading a team of young, enthusiastic, relatively untested leaders. I'm encouraged and excited. Please remember us in your prayers. - mikeT

2003-04-18T06:19:00.000-07:00

Thursday, Yankee Stadium, Bronx, NY, 1:30pm, EST - Mike Turrigiano was sighted in the right field bleachers at the Blue Jay game, yesterday afternoon. He was allegedly seen leading a cheer of the rightfield "Bleacher Creatures"- "Yan-kee base-ball... Yan-kee base-ball...Yan-kee base-ball... Toronto sucks... Boston sucks... Mets suck... box seats suck..." Aware of the growing MT body doubles controversy, our embedded reporter at the big stadium in the Bronx, immediately called the Vineyard office in midtown Manhattan to check out Mike's where abouts. He was told that the person at the Stadium couldn't possibly be Mike because, " Pastor came in early this morning- before anybody else- went into his office and hung a 'do not disturb in prayer' sign on the door, and hadn't come out yet!"

The craziness continues... It was noted here on 4/14, that a Manhattan bartender was killed enforcing a controversal new law that was supposed to protect and improve his health! Well I heard that a local polititian is proposing an additional law allowing off duty and retired cops to "patrol" the bars and the street outside these "smoke free" establishments in order to protect workers and patrons from crazed "ciga-terroists". Yeah, and I can see the City coming up with an alert system similar to the Fed's color-coded terror alert system. I can hear the morning news now, "It's TGIF here in the Big Apple. Alternate side of the street parking rules are suspended today. And remember its the weekend, that means our smoke alert level will once again be raised to code orange - 'high and immediate danger'. Expect delays because of the beefed up smoke security and additional check-points that will be set-up at your local bar or resturant through Sunday."

2003-04-14T08:34:00.000-07:00

Latest Mike Turrigiano sighting:

Sunday, 11:30pm EST; Several customers of the Rodeo Bar, a good time night-spot in the Grammacy Park section of Manhattan, reported seeing MT and close associates, wife Char (this woman stands by her man!), son Mark, daugther-in-law Liz, and two West Coast friends, Steve and Sam Rethmier enjoying a few "refreshments" and the tunes of the Howard Fishman Quartet...

A "health hazard" and a bit of irony

Front page of the New York Post this morning: SMOKE BAN MURDER. "A bouncer at an East Village nightclub was fatallyh stabbed after asking a customer to snuff out his cigarette, police said." Let me get this straight. This unpopular NY smoking ban was put into effect in order to improve the work environment of bar and restaurant workers. The idea was to protect them from the so-called health hazard of second-hand smoke and make their workplace safe. Do I have this right? Well I wonder what the PC-environ-"mentalists" are going to come up with next in order to "improve and protect" the work place? Take away public bathroom privileges???

(from your man on the street reporter embedded in Manhattan)

2003-04-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

Mike Turrigiano Sighting

Is he back blogging or is this just some sort of hoax perpetrated by fans???? The controversy swirls! Was the "I'm still alive" posting of 4/9 actually him? Eric Keck, long time friend isn't so easily swayed. He is quoted as saying that nothing short of DNA evidence will convince him. Rumors are now surfacing that for years Mike has several look alikes to cover for him in public. These doubles have been surgically altered to look like Mike down to the slightest details such as his famous angel tatoo and the scar on the side of his head caused by an angry classmate's lunch box. It has also been revealed that for years Mike has employed ghost writers in order to create his on-line persona of the "man of the world-whitty intellectual". What we have been getting over the last couple of years may be total fabrication and that the real Mike Turrigiano is somewhere on Nantucket Island.

Mike and family members have floated the story that since his liver transplant he is a "changed" man. His wife, Char has told friends privately, "Mike's youthfulness is scaring me..." Certainly reports indicate that whoever this public Mike Turrigiano really is, he's a new and improved model. Physically he looks younger, shedding almost 35lbs. Youthfully energetic and very animated in the pulpit. Mike has been quoted as saying, "I'm half the man I used to be, but twice the fun!" But is he really? Is the real Mike Turrigiano truly back and blogging??? Or is this just a ruse - a scam by some of his die hard fans wanting to keep his legend alive?

Stay tuned to this site for late breaking updates on this story...

2003-04-11T07:27:00.000-07:00

Hey I could use some help... I'm working on a sermon (of course some of you out there who have to put up with what passes as my preaching each Sunday would question my using the term "working"). Anyway, I'm asking those of you that are baseball fans, to give me an everyday equivalent (from the work world, professional world, etc.) of what Barry Bonds achieved last year. Specifically, he basically did what he wanted to do on the field. At times, opposing teams just plain gave up on the idea of trying to get Barry out (thus 198 walks - 8 intential walks with no men on base!). I'm trying to come up with some kind of imaginary equivalent from outside baseball so that non-sports fans can understand and appreciate Barry's masterful performance. Any thoughts?.... I'll give you credit.

2003-04-09T10:03:00.000-07:00

I'M STILL ALIVE!

Mike Turrigiano is alive and well. He has been sidetracked over the last forty-five days because 1) He was adjusting to new medication for his liver that disrupted his ability to concentrate on blogging- by the way he has adjusted quite successfully! 2) He is an idiot when it comes to computer technology- he was overwhelmed trying to learn to run his church and communicate with his staff largely through the use of email. This had him running around cyber space like a chicken without a head for a while. He reports that he feels he's begun to get a handle on, for what is for him, a t new form of team work.

Mike wants assure those of you were concerned about his well being that all is well and that he is back in the saddle. Blog on! (for Mike's latest thoughts log onto his page on www.nycvineyard.org)

2003-03-02T17:46:00.000-08:00

Big Apple Catharsis

It just gets to the point where I have to howl at the moon... So mayor Mike wants to build his beloved Jets a shiney new stadium on our already congested West Side of Manhattan. Great! It took the city about five years of traffic jams, detours, and other mind numbing delays just to put in the flowers lining the medium of the West Side highway, can you imagine what a kind of congestion and traffic mayhem constructing a football stadium will cause??? Oh, I can hear some of you saying to yourselves, "Mike, lighten up. What's the big deal?" Think about this: Planners of this 85,000 seat stadium are NOT going to build a parking lot! Currently over 30,000 cars park at the Meadowlands when the Jets play at Giants Stadium. Call me stupid, but you do the math.

Don't get me started... Another so-called selling point for this stadium is that it could be used for Olympics that New York City is in the running to host in 2012. The last thing this City needs is to host an Olympics! What a nightmare that will create for us New Yorkers (have you talked to anybody from Atlanta, who had to live and work there during their Olympics?). Let me put it this way, have you ever been stuck on a crowded subway car with hundreds of fanny-packing, heads-up-their-butts, confused foreign tourists? Or think about everytime the President "honors" us with his presence here in Manhattan. Street and road closers. Security headaches. Delays. I got stuck in the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel, choking on car fumes for a half hour one time because Bush was speaking at Ground Zero!... don't let me get started...

2003-02-25T07:03:00.000-08:00

File this one under, "It just makes you shake your head..."

I was watching NY1 news this morning and it was reported that homeless advocates in the City are sueing NYC for kicking people out of homeless shelters for refusing to follow the rules... I might be crazy, but isn't that the basic reason most of them ended up homeless in the first place? Having lots of experience on the streets and with shelters (I lived on the fringes of the homeless for several years as a drug addict, and then years working in rescue missions and Teen Challenge), I estimate that two thirds of the homeless are substance abusers who have run rough shod over every rule that they've come across, worn out their loved ones, employers, landlords and ended up on the streets (I do recognize that their are a number of homeless that are legit, but I believe they're in the minority). Anyway, the inability or unwillingness of these "abusers" to follow the basic rules of living like the rest of us (whether we like them or not), got them in trouble in the first place! I don't know who needs their heads straightened more, the homeless or these so-called advocates? I know that what I am saying is uncomfortable and a major violation of political correctness, but I know many of you want to say the same thing but don't want to take the heat...

2003-02-24T15:57:00.000-08:00

As you have probably noticed, I've been lax in posting this past week. I feel an explanation is due...

In October '01, I received a liver transplant due to Hepatitus C. It was successful as far as transplants go and a new life began for me. But the thing about liver transplants is that it doesn't get rid of the hep virus. At this time there is no medical cure for it. Transplanting gives you a healthy liver to deal with it and hopefully an extention on life. In more than 80% of transplant patients the virus shows up again and must be dealt with through drugs. How long before it becomes a concern and how strong it attacks, is different for each individual.

I knew this going into the operation. So last Thursday, when I found out that my blood tests and a subsequent biopsy came back saying Hep C was acting up again, I didn't freak out. It's been weird, I sort of "numbed out".
I'm not scared... angry... or even depressed at this point, just dazed. My wife and family have been great, so have my friends. I don't always look and act appreciative as I should. That's the way the "daze" affects me. But they've become a pipeline of strength for me. I have to work at letting them know how I feel about them. I will.

But "dazing" along lately my mind finds its way to one thought: I want to finish the race that Jesus Christ has given me to run. I'm concerned that I won't get to complete the job he has given me to do here in New York City. Things are beginning to roll, especially now that I have more energy and focus. Man I want to see this thing through. I don't want to stop!

So just think of me as some grunt that's suffered a concussion from a blast on the battlefield. Shaken-up and a bit disoriented, but as soon as I gain my equilibrium, I'll be back hackin' away at the enemy again. I'm dangerous that way...

2003-02-22T13:51:00.000-08:00

The Church Is Amazing

Do you understand what God has made you a part of? You’re a member of the greatest and most effective community ever conceived – the Church.

It’s outlasted empires. Out distanced religions, ideologies and philosophies. Survived natural, political, sociological, economical, upheavals. It’s been battered and bruised. Come to the brink of disaster. It’s shot itself in the foot more than once. And through it all, when the dust settled, the Church has remained standing.

The Church has not just held on, it has thrived in the most adverse circumstances. The Communists in China closed all the churches, stopped all its public activities and outlawed Christianity, in 1966. All looked lost. But alas, ten years later, far from being wiped out, the Church had flourished. Closed off from the outside world, the number of Christians swelled to fifteen million. The number of churches had grown to 40,000!

What makes the Church so special? The answer is the Life that flows through it. The Church is the living, Body of Christ in the world today. It’s the community of the Spirit of God. The Holy Spirit is the life-blood of the Church- the very life of Jesus Christ. The same Spirit that empowered Jesus and made him so successful on earth gives life to the Church today.

It’s the church at its most basic level- Christians living in community- that reveals its genius and why it will never be replaced by something better. Where the Church yields to Christ’s Lordship, it has access to the power of the Age to come, here and now - defeating darkness, passing from death to life, and spreading like some unstoppable, life-giving virus.

This powerful otherworldly life- the distinctive characteristic of Jesus- is evident in you and I, when we use the spiritual gifts that God has given each of us. Gifts are expressions of the power of the Age to come. They’re the life of Christ in action - the ministry of Jesus for everyday living. Gifts are the tools and the weapons of the kingdom of God for today. They make the Church unique. Spiritual gifts give the church the ability to be God’s answer to today’s problems.

I believe this was the secret of the Chinese Church. When circumstances forced it to rely on the Holy Spirit, its membership was transformed into a priesthood through the use of spiritual gifts, multiplying the ministry of Jesus, and advancing the Kingdom.

In light of this, our lives can take on an eternal importance. We’re part of an amazing and enduring community called the Church. Get on board. Commit to discovering and using your spiritual gifts in the service of our church, our City, and our world.

2003-02-15T08:13:00.000-08:00

Saturday morning: This has been some week and I gotta get some stuff off my chest. Call this some kind of a purge…

I’m putting George on notice! Get off Jeter’s case! I don’t want to have to call the fellas and toss you a beating…Way to go Boomer. At least someone has the balls to stand up to the Boss! Where’s Nettles when you need him?

I’m tired of hearing all these local meteorologists crying about how cold it’s been. Hey, it’s winter in the Northeast, remember!…

Fashion Week in New York and the fashion world gathers to put on its big show… Who wears this stuff??? What has happened to the ideal female figure? You know, nice top, smaller in the middle, and something you can hold on to down below? Where do they get these models with the figures of twelve year old boys?? And the male models… Don’t let me get started…

Money makes the world go round. The more viewers I get to tune into my broadcasts, the more money I make. The more newspapers I sell… well you get my point. What keeps people locked to their TV’s and radios? Which headlines catch your attention the quickest so that you put your quarter down and buy a copy? The ones that scare the bejesus out of you! The “Worst Winter In History” and “Orange Alerts” are making a lot of money for someone…I’m not saying that its not cold and or that we’re not living in dangerous times and need to be informed. But its been a little over the top lately, wouldn’t you say?

Hey, I say let’s boot the UN out of New York City. Not because it’s useless but because its been messing up traffic and taking up all the parking spaces around my office for years. I’m fed up with the lot of them!

…Wow! That felt good…

Raging on… mikeT

2003-02-14T05:30:00.000-08:00

This is for Matt T and Keck.... I'm not trying to start a war, just weighing in.

STARBUCKOLOGY

A Confession

I used to think Starbucks, with its “tall, grande, venti, latte, cappuccino” thing going, was pretentious and boisseire. All my friends got into it. My wife was a Starbuck regular. I just would sit back and mock them all. Whatever happened to, “a regular coffee, two sugars, please”? No, now you needed to learn a whole new lexicon of terms just to order a stinking cup-a-joe! “You’ll never catch me in Starbucks”, I arrogantly shouted. “I’ll never drink a Starbucks coffee, ever!”, I defiantly declared. And I wasn’t even a coffee drinker…

Soon after my liver operation, god played a joke on me. He taught me a lesson. After not drinking coffee for more than seven years, God suddenly, mysteriously, gave me back a craving for coffee- and not just any coffee. (You can see it coming can’t you) Yep, you got it, Starbucks coffee! Starbucks, extra vanilla, latte. It just rolls off your tongue, doesn’t it? Yes, I’m coming clean. I’m coming out and going public. I’ve caved in and gone over to the dark side. I confess that I’m hooked on Starbucks!! And I don’t really care who knows it.

Be very careful about uttering the words, “I will never…” they have a way of sneaking up on you and biting you. God seems to take pleasure in turning our proud “nevers” into humble little,
“Well, I guess I was wrong.”

S Land

For me Starbucks is an oasis. When I enter the Starbucks around the corner from my office, it’s like stepping into another dimension where I can escape all the hustle, bustle and craze of midtown Manhattan. It’s a place where, not only can I enjoy a fine latte, but where I experience something that this City seems to gobble up and spit out. It’s another time zone that exists at a much more leisurely pace of life that’s in no rush to get somewhere, or to meet some ungodly deadline. The Starbucks coffee engineer hands me my coffee and I go find a place to sit and chat with a friend, or perhaps read a book. Starbucks even has big cushy lounge chairs to kick back in, relax and enjoy my latte.

In Starbuck Land, nobody seems to be in a rush. You don’t drink-up your coffee, you sip it little by little. There’s no waiter or waitress anxiously waiting for you to hurry-up and move on so they can collect their tip and fill your table with more tippers.

In addition to a more humane pace of life, in Starbuck land there’s always good music. Jazz, rock, soul, folk, Latin. There’s nothing like sipping a vanilla latte to the tunes of the Chairman of the Board, Francis Sinatra. I haven’t heard any classical or opera, although, that would be OK. And I haven’t heard any rap. I guess that would clash with the easy vibe of “S Land”…

Starbucks is cool. It’s a place where I am reminded that there is more to life than the “go-go-get there first- finish on top”, Manhattan lifestyle. There’s something to stopping and smelling the roses. Maybe even taking a time-out to enjoy a good cup of coffee with a friend.

2003-02-13T13:02:00.000-08:00

Homeland Security???

Duct tape and plastic sheets... Our government spends billions of our hard earned tax dollars on homeland security and this is the best they can come up with? What's next? Alkaseltzer for an anthrax attack???

mikeT

2003-02-12T10:57:00.000-08:00

Orange Alert

So I’m on the subway this morning, on my way to Manhattan, and there’s a guy sitting across from me with a brown attaché case. I give a long stare at his case and then I look him over, very carefully. He looks down at my shoulder bag and gives it a long careful look, then gives me a wary look. Then the both of us look over at some little school kid and lock on to his Spiderman lunch box… An orange alert will do this to people.

2003-02-11T11:44:00.000-08:00

Signs

I have a hearing problem. I wear hearing aids. Normal conversations, TV viewing and going to the movies have become quit a challenge. I appreciate the headphones that some cinemas now offer to help people like me. But some situations are a big problem for me. Like trying to watch a movie on an airplane. Between trying to hear through those cheap little earpieces and the loud constant droning of the jet engines, I’m left to my imagination to figure out the plot because I see lips moving but can’t hear the dialog. I’ll give you an example…

On a flight from London to New York recently I watched the movie “Signs”. I’m sorry, a lot of people loved this film, but I just didn’t get it. Here we have Mel Gibson, a guy having some kind of crisis of faith because his wife died in an accident. He becomes a farmer, I think in Kansas or somewhere. He’s trying to raise his kids, a couple of strange PKs who are hooked on TV and run around wearing stupid aluminum foil hats with their burned-out uncle who appeared to be suffering from some kind of post-Little League trauma sydrom. It seems like some mysterious big city corporate slicksters, move in across the road from them and try to build some high-tech shopping mall in their corn field. Mel and his brother are freaked out by their new neighbors, who begin harassing him, trying to pressure them into giving up their land. The Mall people start messing with their heads. They play tricks with their cable TV and crawl on the roof trying to toilet paper their house. It all comes down show down. Mel and his brother make their stand shouting, “Enough is enough! We ain’t gonna let you turn our little corner of paradise into some concrete and tar Babylon!” Mel’s nutty brother hits a homerun with the head of one of the Mallers and sends the big city slickers back to where they came from.

I’m sorry, the movie I heard just wasn’t that good…

2003-02-11T10:29:00.000-08:00

Testing blog service, please stand by!

2003-02-10T19:10:00.000-08:00

I hope you can follow the twisted trails of my thoughts as I take you through the caverns of my mind...

Round Earth, Flat Earth

I wonder. If I was a missionary and came across a people who still believed that the earth was flat, but nevertheless, their belief was working for them... That is, their flat earth view wasn't hindering their everyday comings and goings... Would I be compelled , as I shared the gospel with them, to deconstruct their worldview? Could I content, rather, to to present the gospel of a God who is above and beyond all worldviews? Could I get past this scientifically proven and personally evident truth? Would I let it get in the way? Would I make it an issue that blocked them having a relationship with God? Would I try to convince them of their error and try to persuade them to become "enlightened" like me and the rest of my round earth friends? Could I just entrust this people to God that is God no matter what shape you believe the earth is?

I am a baby boomer, born into modernism and now pastoring in a postmodern world. Must I feel compelled to deconstruct the world view of a postmodern generation, in order to communicate the gospel in a way that will work for them? Or can I find the grace and wisdom to introduce this generation to the God of all generations?

I pray for such grace and wisdom...

2003-02-10T18:26:00.000-08:00

Mike t is now a bloggin fool!
maTt

2003-02-10T18:04:00.000-08:00

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